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Dear Drug Seekers,

Dear Drug Seekers,

I wanted to take the time to thank you for what you have managed to accomplish.  It really is somewhat of an amazing feat when you think about it.  You have managed as a group to have such an overwhelming effect on healthcare that impacts so many people in such a negative way, that I am certain there is now a special place in hell for all of you.

I know that alcoholism, and addiction is a disease.  I am more aware than most having lived with, and loved an alcoholic for a time in my life.  I have lost many friends to addiction, and have seen many battle it for years.  It is something that grips you, and does not want to let go. It destroys families, and lives.  I am more sympathetic than most to your disease.

However, I wish you could have kept your horrible disease out of doctor’s offices.  You see, I suffer from an invisible disease that brings with it chronic, and debilitating pain.  I look healthy, and to most I seem healthy.  Under my smiles, under my generally well presented façade is chronic, never relenting, ever present, pain.  I don’t know what it’s like to not be in pain, I don’t remember a time where I was not in pain.  I have been in pain every single day of my life since I was a child.

It used to be that when I needed it, a doctor would be happy to write me a prescription for pain medication.  I’ve never abused it; hell I’ve probably thrown out enough expired pain medications to cause an addict like you to have a total breakdown.  I only take them when I absolutely need them, when I’ve reached the point that suck starting my shotgun seems like a truly viable answer to my problem.

Now when I need pain medication it takes a god damned miracle to get it.  Doctors are fucking terrified to prescribe it, and the people who really need it are just as terrified to ask for it.  We don’t want to be labeled a drug seeker, that’s not who we are.  We are people who live in constant pain. We are people who need to have pain medications.  We are careful how we use them, and we only ask for them when we truly need them.  Thanks to your lot we now barely have access to the medicine that we need.

You are the reason I have lost so many precious hours of sleep, days where I am up for 36 hours or more.  Days on end where I am lucky to eek out a few joyous hours of sleep, 2-3 at the most.  You have made my life worse, you have taken joy from me, and you have in some cases taken my dignity from me.  I didn’t ask for this horrible disease that leaves me to suffer in endless pain.  I never did anything to you.  You have done irreparable harm to me, and so many others.  You’ve done harm to the medical system that I’m not sure can ever be repaired.  You’ve denied me the medications that ease the pain a little, that take the edge off enough that I can clean my house, go for a walk, take my dogs to the park, or meet my friends at a museum.  You can’t fix that; you can’t give me those hours of sleep back.  You can’t repay me the joy you’ve stolen.  You can’t go back in time and given me those days I couldn’t get out of bed back.

So figure it out, get clean, and do something, anything.  But, don’t you dare go to a doctor’s office to get your fix.  As an addict you’ve done enough damage to your loved ones, what the hell gives you the right to make the life of someone you’ve never even met worse?  Just who the hell do you think you are?  You are selfish, self-serving, lacking all forms of awareness of others.  You don’t even realize how far your hideous disease reaches, beyond your family, and friends.  No, it wasn’t enough for you to ruin the lives of the people that love you.  No, not you; you had to figure out a way to ruin the lives of people you never met, people who already suffer in silence every day.  So, again I say – there is a special place in hell for you my dear drug seeker.

Sincerely,

The Bendy Belle

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