Could You Run Yourself Over With Your Own Car?

Some people can tell you what it’s like to be hit by a car…only I could tell you what it’s like to be hit be her own car, or Jeep to be exact… while it’s parked.  It takes fabulous luck, and skill to pull off what I did today.  I am battered, scraped, bruised, and my pain is much greater than it was before I hit myself with my own car.  Sadly, that means I went from a barely function level of pain to a “I have to keep reminding myself to breathe, why haven’t I trained one of my dogs to fetch me a coke from the fridge yet, holy mother of pain, make it stop please” level of pain.

So how in the name of god’s green earth did I pull this off?

I got home from getting a prescription refilled, and slowly climbed out of the Jeep.  I’ve been pretty slow on my feet the past couple of weeks, as my back has been getting worse, and I hadn’t slept a wink last night.  As I rounded the front of the Jeep I walked right into a giant spider web, with an equally giant spider in it.  Anyone that knows me can tell you that I have an irrational fear of spiders.  Granted it is not as bad as it once was, it’s still one of those deep into your subconscious fears.  Well, I screamed like a little girl and jumped.  Not like I came off the ground jump, just your normal flinch, hop back….ok, it was a crippled person’s flinch….With what happened next you’d think I’d have done some sort of spectacular move to have set this chain of events off.  But, nooo I just had a tiny little hop back, and managed to set off the most ridiculous string of insane clumsiness ever.

Once my little hop back was executed, there was no going back.  My ankle rolled to the side, then bent back under my leg, and with that shearing pain it sent me flying into my own bumper…Yes, my own bumper and with enough force that I bounced off.  Right before my back slammed into the bumper I attempted, at least I like to believe I attempted to catch myself given the extent of the self-inflicted injuries I sustained.  All I know for sure is I managed to dislocate a shoulder, an elbow, a wrist, and two fingers – all in 0.2 seconds before I found myself face first into the driveway.  In the end I managed to destroy my ankle to the point that I still can’t get everything back in alignment.  All of the above mentioned dislocations, and a myriad of scrapes and bruises.  With all that I also slammed by back…the same back that is a few weeks away from fusion surgery…into my Jeep’s bumper.  I hit myself…I hit myself with my own parked car. Seriously?

So there I lay in the driveway, with my purse on my shoulder, cell phone, sweet tea still in hand (and tea not spilled), and my dignity splattered on the concrete. I ladies, and gentleman have talents beyond anyone on earth.

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8 thoughts on “Could You Run Yourself Over With Your Own Car?

  1. You have to be the most talented person I know. If I had been there I would have tried to help you up of course, but then I would have given you a round of applause. At least maybe that would have given you a few seconds without pain while you laughed…oh wait…no, the laughing would have definitely made you hurt more. As much as I know you are suffering now (and I send you well wishes) your story gave me a good laugh. And there’s nothing better than some humor for pain sufferers. Try to get some sleep tonight. Again, I hope you feel better soon.
    –Joy

    • Thanks lady! Once I hobbled inside and could breathe again I had a little chuckle. It hurt, but heaven knows only I could pull something like that off. I wish someone had caught it on tape! All you can do is find humor in those sorts of situation.

  2. Wow, you didn’t spill the tea! I myself have performed many feats of daring, skill, and grace such as this, but never have I been able to do so and NOT SPILL THE DRINK! You rock! Kudos on making it inside and writing this post. I do hope you’re able to find some relief and rest. I love and appreciate your outlook. Take care!

    • Thanks! I’m a southern belle, and there are a few things that are just not allowed! Spilling your sweet tea is one of them!
      Thanks for reading, I’m glad you enjoyed!

  3. Holy crap, and I thought I had “self juggling” talents. This takes it to a whole new level. I am so sorry that you got so hurt! I have thought for a while that there is a new form of PT/OT which is desperately needed for people like us. It’s called “how to just let it fall” (named such because my own much more minor injuries tend to be from trying to grab whatever has slid out of my weakening grasp). I’ve actually done a couple of “training sessions” with my husband now, where he throws something and I just let it fall, no trying to lunge for it and popping a hip or knee out on the way. 😉 You need the advanced course though, because I do not know how one learns to NOT jump back when one walks into a huge spiderweb with a huge spider in the middle of it. Advanced course: “Running away from creepy crawlies”.

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